Why do I feel this way?
by Xx.Feline.Fatale.xX
Summary: Rated for safety, mostly for language. Raven is feeling strange lately and she doesn't know why. Until a late dinner between her and Robin. RobRae Other couples are possible
1. Late Night Dinner

**Disclaimer: **Sadly I do not own Teen Titans. If did Robin and Raven would most likely be together and Starfire would talk differently.

**A/N: **Please keep in mind that this is my first titans, and in general, fanfic ever. Some of the titan's appearances have changed as well.

The gothic teen sat in her room her violet eyes ran across the page of her book. Her shoulder length hair pulled into a ponytail. She sighed softly and tiredly. She looked out the window it was only sunset. She had been tired a lot lately and she didn't know why. Probably training too much and too hard. She wasn't sure though. She pushed her book away and lay on the bed looking up at the black ceiling of her room. She was thinking. About what, she didn't really know. She pushed herself up and walked out of her room and towards the main living area. She was thankful of the fact that no one was there. They were all in their rooms doing whatever the did. She put the tea kettle on the stove and sat in a chair. Yes, this gothic teen was Raven. She closed her eyes and heard the door open, she immediately thought it was Beast Boy to annoy her or to beg her to play video games with him.

"No, Beast Boy I won't play video games with you and stay the hell away from me I'm not it the mood to be annoyed."

"Ummm, I'm not Beast Boy," a deeper voice said. Raven's eyes opened quickly, they fell onto the face of Robin, she felt herself blush slightly.

"Oh sorry Robin."

"It's fine," he said "I'm actually kind of glad I found you alone. I went to your room and you weren't there so I started looking for you."

"Why were you looking for me?" she asked.

"You seem off lately and I was wondering what was a matter."

"It's nothing."  
"Really? I've only seen you like this once before and that was when your father decided to make an appearance in your thoughts." He looked at her concerned. Raven looked at his masked face and debated what to tell him because she didn't even know what was a matter.

"Something's wrong, yes but in all honesty I'm not sure what." Robin looked disbelieving for a second then nodded accepting her answer. Raven was glad he didn't pressure anymore.

"Are you hungry?" he asked. Raven nodded. "Want pizza?" Raven shrugged.

"Sure why not?"

"Pepperoni okay?" She tilted her head.

"What about Beast Boy?"

"They all already ate. I was too busy in my room planning strategies. I wasn't hungry but now I am." He shrugged.

"Okay. Fine with me. I was reading and I really didn't want to deal with Beast Boy annoying the shit out of me." Robin laughed slightly and picked up the phone to call in the order. Raven watched him silently. She had an idea of what was wrong and it had to do with Robin.

**Ending note: There's the first chapter hope you liked. I know it was kind of short, but I tried. Constructive critiques welcomed. I'm going to wait for at least 5 reviews before I write the next chapter. Hoped it was okay. Ja ne! Rose**


	2. Confessions

Disclaimer: I do not own anything. I repeat I don't own anything

Raven ate in silence most of the time. Robin watched her, she couldn't tell what he was thinking about because of his masked eyes and seemingly emotionless face. She was scared to read his mind. So she sat there thinking silently to herself. Until Robin, said something. "Why are you so quiet?" he asked her after their second piece. "Just thinking," she said willing her voice not to show any emotion. It didn't she thanked God silently. "About?" "Nothing, in particular." Except for my contradicting emotions she added to herself silently. Robin looked at her strangely for a moment then accepted her answer. She sighed silently in relief. She normally could open up to Robin, but not about this. This feeling scared her, and she was scared of what might happen if she said it out loud. Something would probably explode with either sadness/rejection or happiness he feels the same way. She sighed. Robin looked at her. "Are you sure nothing is wrong? You can tell me anything you want to." Raven looked at him her eyes softening for a moment a flicker of confusion showing in their violet depths. Robin was startled slightly but didn't show it. Raven's eyes returned to normal and she looked down at her pizza poking at it slightly. Robin watched her confused. "Rae? You in there Rae?" Raven looked up and nodded. "Yeah I'm here," she said her voice fairly distant. Robin touched her hand slightly. Raven could of sworn her heart skipped a beat. "Raven, I know something is wrong and I know you don't really know what it is. But tell me, please if you got any idea. You've been in my mind. Let me in yours." Oh my God did he really just say that? Is he really touching my hand. Calm down Raven calm down. Raven looked at him her eyes slightly scared. Robin had never seen that in Raven's eyes. They always seemed so cold, far, distant, and sarcastic. "If I told you, you'd probably never speak to me again," she whispered her voice just as scared as her eyes. His hand was still on her's neither of them cared in the least. "I promise, no matter how bad it is. I'll still be your friend." Raven looked at him "You swear?" "Yes." Raven took s deep breath and closed her eyes. "I think I'm developing feelings for you. Feelings more than friendship. Robin looked at her startled he didn't say anything. Raven stood up. "See I knew this would be your reaction, that's why I didn't tell you." Raven ran towards her room tears in her eyes. "Raven wait!" he called but she was gone. "Shit Robin, look what you've gone and done you broke the heart of the girl you love!" he whispered to himself angrily and walked towards her room hoping he would be able to patch up things with her

Ending Note: Here's chapter 2. I hoped you all enjoyed it. Thanks for all the reviews I really liked reading them. Please continue. I like feedback. I know it was kind of short but I tried. Thanks! Ja Ne! Rose 


	3. Feelings Unmasked

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the Teen Titans or the song "My Immortal". I don't eve really like that song but it seemed fit for this chapter.

**A/N: **Thanks for all the reviews. I really enjoy getting feedback. I'm glad everyone is liking this story so far.

Raven sat on her bed sobbing silently. She drew her knees up to her chest and rested her tear-streaked face on them. Evanescence pounded in the background.

"There's just so much that time can not erase. When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears. When you scream I'd fight away all of your fears." Amy Lee's sad, broken voice had never reflected Raven's feelings so well. Her body shook with muffled songs. This is why she was never honest about her feelings to anyone except herself.

"Raven?" Robin's voice rang out.

"Go away," she yelled at him.

"Raven, please let me in," his voice was pleading. She pulled up the hood of her cloak so that he wouldn't see her tear-streaked face. She walked to the door and opened it a crack.

"What do you want?" she asked her voice angry.

"Raven can I please come in." Raven looked at him angrily still. She sighed and opened the door. She walked to her bed and sat against her pillow her arms crossed over her chest.

"What?" she repeated.

"Raven I'm sorry I hurt you. I-I didn't mean to. I was startled."

"Is that all? If yes get the hell out of my room."

"N-no that's not it," he said and looked at the ground to hide his slight blushing. He took a deep breath and continued "Raven, I was surprised because I've felt the same way about you for about a year. The 'crush' on Star was just a cover-up so I wouldn't have to be honest with myself or with others." Robin sat next to her. He put his hands in hers. "Raven I'm in love with you." Raven could hear her heart beating fast. She looked down. Robin pushed her face back up at lowered her hood, then put his lips gently on hers. Raven was caught off guard but soon her eyes closed as she accepted the kiss. They seemed to be doing that for about five minutes. Then his tongue flicked across her bottom lip asking, more like begging for entrance which she gladly granted. Their tongues seemed to battle for dominance neither of them won. Robin put his arms around Raven's waist. Raven's hands traveled slowly to his face, with on liquid movement she took off his mask and drew back to look into his eyes.

"Robin," she gasped.

**Ending Note: There you go next chapter done. I have the fourth chapter written I'll post it on Friday. Read and review –please. Love you all! Ja ne! Rose **


	4. Tameranian Jealousy

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans I think you figure that out by now. Heh, heh, heh.

A/N: Contains a kind of graphic scene, blood wise and very slight sexual content.

"Robin," she repeated "Why do you hide behind a mask?" Robin looked at her, his blue eyes showing almost fear.

"So, my enemies, and friends, don't find out about me. It makes me feel so venerable ? without it." Raven was still holding his mask she smiled softly and put it back over his eyes. Robin put his hand on her cheek.

"It's late, we should go to bed," Robin said. Raven nodded slightly. Robin kissed her lips softly and left her room but not without saying: "Good night my love."

"Good night," she called after him. Raven smiled and lay down on her bed and feel into a peaceful, dreamless, sleep.

Raven thought she was the first to wake, she stretched and walked out of her room, into the kitchen to make herself her morning tea. No sooner had she put the kettle on the stove she felt strong arms wrap around her waist. She smiled when she heard the voice of Robin.

"Beat you to it," he whispered in her ear, she shivered inwardly when she felt his breath on her neck.. He handed her a mug of steaming tea.

"Morning to you too," she said taking the tea and turning around to face him. He kissed her softly.

"Have a good sleep?" he asked.

"Never better, you?"

"Same." Little did they know a very jealous Tameranian is that how you spell it? princess was watching them. 'Robin is mine!' Starfire thought angrily to herself her eyes glowing green 'No one takes MY Robin!' Starfire hid as Raven walked towards the door, she turned around momentarily.

"I have to go change," she called to Robin as she walked toward her room. Starfire smirked evilly and saunter into the room Robin looked over at her

"Morning Starf," he said but was cut off by her lips smashing against his in a passion.. Robin's eyes closed and returned the kiss, though he knew it was wrong. His hands traveled up her shirt. Raven walked back in just in time to see Starfire almost ripping off Robin's shirt. She stared at them open-mouthed.

"I thought you loved me!" she yelled at the lip-locked Robin. Robin looked at her and tried to push Starfire off, she wouldn't let him. Raven ran into her room. Robin finally pushed Starfire off.

"Starfire?"

"Do you not wish to be with me?"

"No, I don't! I love Raven!" Starfire hit him with a Starbolt not a very strong one. He fell back but wasn't hurt.

"I will not let friend Raven take you away from me! I will get you back!" Raven sat in her room and pulled up her sleeve and pulled out a dagger. She looked at her already scarred arm. From past experiences. She sobbed and slashed at the pale skin. The red blood pooled on the six inch cut that now adorned her arm, she laughed through her tears. She loved the pain, she slashed again. Lyrics came to her mind.

"I tried to kill my pain but only brought more. So much more. I may die and I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal." She realized she may of cut it a little too deep and a little to near the main artery. She started to feel light-headed and dizzy. 'Shit,' she thought 'I'm so screwed and so done.' The loud banging of Robin's knock seem so far away.

"Raven please let me in!" he yelled. She used her last bit of strength to call out to him

"Robin please help me." Then, she blacked out.

Ending Note: Hee, hee, hee! Cliffhanger, kind of anyways. Not the best one but it works please review. Love you all! Ja ne! Rose 


	5. Dreams and Illusions

Disclaimer: No, I do not own the Teen Titans, do I really need to continue to write that? It's a waste of time and space.

A/N: I hope you liked the little cliffhanger I made. Well I get to the story that's what you're all here for.

All Raven saw was blackness, she was running through a thick mist. It made her lungs hurt. She fell to her knees and grabbed at her heart, she couldn't run anymore, she closed her eyes awaiting her fate, but nothing came. She opened her eyes and looked around she was in a forest. She looked down at herself, she wasn't wearing her normal uniform of black. She was still wearing black but it was a floor-length dress with a purple panel running down the center. She stood up and looked around. She looked around she was surrounded by blood red roses. 'Where the hell am I!' she thought to herself. She was confused as all hell.

"Raven!" a voice called, she recognized it "Raven!" it called again. It was Robin.

"Robin!" she called back and he broke through the trees, he wore a black tux. Raven tilted her head as he walked towards her.

"Raven come back please, don't leave us, we need you!"

"W-what do you mean?" Before he had time to answer she was being pulled back into the darkness "Robin! Help me!" she yelled at him but she was enveloped in darkness once more. She heard Robin call

"Raven NO!" Raven began to sob, she was going to die she once again fell to her knees and closed her eyes to accept her fate but again nothing came. She opened her eyes and she was in the medical room of Titans Tower, a very, very, very tired looked Robin sat next to her his head in his hands his body shaking in what seemed to be silent sobs

"Robin?" she asked. Robin shook his head

"It's just an illusion Robin, your imagination making you hear what you want to," he said his voice was cracked with tears. She put a hand on his arm.

"Robin," she said quietly "It's really me." Robin looked up and looked at her a shaking hand reached out to touch her cheek. She smiled as she pushed her cheek into his hand. Robin continued to looked at her, she could sense he was holding back tears. She smiled gently. Robin put his arms around her neck

"I was so fucking scared you died, don't ever do that to me again!" he whispered in her ear she shivered at his breath on her skin.

"I'll try not to, how long was I in a coma for?" she asked.

"About a month and a half."

"And you never left?"

"No, I ate rarely and slept rarely. I was too worried if I didn't stay something horrible would happen." Raven put her arms around him

"Robin I love you!" she whispered silent tears running down her face

"I love you too."

Ending Note: There you go next chapter, I'm not sure if I'm going to write more, I probably will. I need some inspiration though, so if you have any ideas I can commandeer please submit them in your review. 


	6. Jealousy is a devilish thing, isn't it?

Disclaimer: I do not own the titans.

A/N: Well I think I can write a bit more, thanks for the ideas Vin, no one else gave me any . Well on with the story. I'm trying to write longer chapters as well. 

Raven smiled and Robin he smiled back, glad to see her smile once more. Raven started to stand up Robin stopped her.

"You shouldn't get up. You're still pretty weak." Raven looked at him

"But, I'm hungry," she said. Robin smirked

"I'll go get you something." She smiled

"Thanks."

"Welcome, be back in a while." Raven looked out the window, she couldn't believe she had been out for a month and a half. Had Robin really stayed by her side the whole time? What did Starfire think of that? She probably hated it, Raven smirked. She giggled a little, almost evilly.

"Little, pretty, princess, Starfire is jealous," she said to herself. "Not so perfect now are you?" Starfire was in her room reading, actually, trying to keep her mind off her dear Robbie-pooh pining over the near-dead Raven. 'Damn it!' she thought 'I hope, 'friend', Raven never wakes up. That way I can have dear Robin all to my self.' Amazing how jealousy can change a person's disposition. Raven sighed happily as Robin came in 20 minutes later with a mug of tea and some chicken noodle soup. He placed it in front of her.

"I told Cyborg, and BB that you're awake. They're going to come up later," he said after setting the tray down. Raven smiled and started to eat the soup

"Thanks," she said.

"Welcome," he kissed her cheek softly she giggled a bit

"So, when do you think I can get out of this damn med lab and back into my own room?"

"Tomorrow."

"Good." Robin smiled watching her eat, he yawned. She looked over at him. "You should probably sleep, you look like you haven't had a solid night's rest in about a week."

"I haven't." Raven put her hand on his cheek.

"Then go sleep. I'll be fine, plus Cy and BB will be up here in a bit"  
A/N: And no, Star is not going to try and pull anything by the way, she ain't that stupidRobin looked at her concerned

"Are you sure?" She nodded

"Don't worry about me," she repeated and kissed his lips softly "I'll have Cyborg or Beast Boy wake you up after they leave if that'll make you feel any better."

"Okay," he said, he was tired and was easily swayed. He kissed her and walked out leaving her alone. She was still happy though she was slightly scared. She didn't show it. About a half hour later Cyborg and Beast Boy tore themselves away from their video games and came to see her.

"Hey girl," Cyborg said "Glad you're awake, Robin was so damn depressed while you were gone. Not that I blame him, it hasn't been the same without your sarcastic remarks, and the team was definitely weaker. Yes, we still had to deal with bad guys." Raven smiled.

"I even missed you're insults!" Beast Boy said. Raven laughed lightly. Beast Boy blushed softly.

"Well, it'll all be back to normal by tomorrow Robin said I could get out of this damn bed tomorrow." Cyborg looked away Raven watched him.

"Well no, Starfire's been actin' real weird lately, not normal. She's been really pissed off, she really loves Robin and is jealous that he chose you." Raven nodded.

"We don't blame you, you were just honest," Beast Boy finished quickly. Raven rolled her eyes.

"She'll get over it, sooner or later, she can still fight, right?" Cyborg and Beast Boy nodded. "Well, then we'll be fine. I'm almost glad she's been darker lately her constant happiness was beginning to be a pain in the ass to deal with." Cyborg and Beast Boy couldn't help agreeing. They continued talking about miscellaneous things for an hour or so then Raven told Cyborg to waked Robin up in another hour, and they left her. Raven smiled still then she heard a voice from the doorway

"Hello 'friend' Raven," the voice said evilly "Ready to meet your fate?"

Ending Note: I think you can figure out who the voice it, but it's still a cliffhanger, sorry it's a kind of short chapter but I tried. Read and Review. Also question, actually kind of a poll: should I have a lemon between Rae and Rob? Please answer in your review, it's just an idea. Ja Ne! Rose 


	7. Pasts, Presents, and Futures

Disclaimer: Same as always...

A/N: Okay, sorry for all Starfire fans. I know she normally wouldn't be this much of a spiteful bitch but she's this way for the sake of the story. So three words for you: GET OVER IT. Hee hee. Here's the next chapter. ..:..

Raven looked at the shadowed-shape of Starfire.

"W-what do you mean?" she asked shakily, she was still weak and it would probably make herself black-out again if she fought.

"I mean. Are you ready to die?" her hands glowed green and she noticed she carried Raven's dagger, the one she had used to cut herself. She gulped. 'Shit!' Raven thought.

"Starfire why do you want to kill me?"

"Because, you took Robin from me. He's mine." She threw starbolts at Raven. Raven dodged 4 of the 5. The other one hit her cut arm. She gasped in pain. Starfire laughed coldly and evilly. Raven hit her with some black magic but not much. Starfire took all of the hits and stumbled back then looked at her.

"Damn Raven, you are weaker then normal are you not?" Raven growled. Starfire hit her again Rave took all of the hit this time and screamed. Robin woke up.

"Raven!" he said and ran towards the med lab. Raven's form was crumpled on the ground, her violet eyes were scared as they stared up at Starfire who held a dagger aimed at her heart.

"Say bye, bye Raven," she whispered not knowing Robin was there. She took a stab at Raven, Raven closed her eyes awaiting the darkness and the pain. It didn't come Starfire hadn't stabbed her, she opened her eyes and saw Robin starting to fight with Starfire. Starfire glared at him.

"I don't want to hurt you, Starfire," he said looking at her.

"Well too bad Robin because I want to hurt you!" she hit him with a starbolt and Robin dodged but barely. Then, took out his bo-staff and looked at her. She tried to hit him again he dodged and kicked Starfire in the side, she fell to the ground. Starfire looked at him and shot at him once more this time she hit him full on and he stumbled back. He looked at her with pained eyes the jumped up and kicked her in the stomach then hit a pressure point that would keep her unconscious for a while.

"I'm sorry Star, you left me no choice." Raven looked at him as he walked towards her he looked down at her "Are you okay Raven?" he asked. Raven nodded speechless. Robin had just saved her life. He kneeled down next to her and hugged her tightly. Raven hugged him back just as tight, silent tears running down her face. Robin looked at her and asked: "Why are you crying?"

"You just risked your life for me no one has ever done that before," she whispered her voice broken still with tears.

"I love you Raven, I would do anything for you."

"I love you too Robin, I would die just to save you." Robin kissed her passionately his hands slithering down to her waist, she put her arms around his neck still kissing him. He moved his lips from her and kissed her neck. Raven moaned softly. Robin lay down taking her with him their lips never breaking. He started to take off her shirt and Raven gasped. Robin looked at her and blushed

"Sorry," he whispered. Raven shook her head

"No it's fine."

He smiled softly and continued she did the same to him. Raven's hands traveled down his smooth skin and felt the hardness of his muscles. She smiled seductively on the outside but on the inside she was smiling wide. He was her's and no one was changing that anytime soon Robin nipped at her now bare neck and his lips move down to her collar bone his hands moving up her stomach and up her chest. Raven shivered as he did. He smirked sensing her pleasure, he was glad he could do that. He dared to start to take off her pants and she his then she pushed away tears falling from her eyes.

"I'm sorry, I can't," she said not looking at him. Robin looked at her confused.

"Huh?" he asked.

"My past, too many horrible memories. I'm sorry Robin, maybe you should be with Starfire, she would be a better match." Robin looked at her and put his hand on her cheek.

"I'm not going to be with Starfire. I love you. What about your past? Please tell me" he said. She looked at him her eyes scared.

Ending Note: What happened in Raven's past? Will she be able to get over it? Will she and Robin ever be able to show their love in such a passionate way? Who knows. Only time will tell. Hope you liked. I'm still wondering if I should add a lemon. Ideas are always appreciated. Review! Ja Ne! Rose 


	8. Pasts become clear and the end

Disclaimer: You get it so I'm not going to bother to write it.

A/N: Sorry It's taken me so long to update, between school, and writer's block. And we just started Standardized Testing today and I'm tired, but I'm still updating because I love you! So be grateful!

Raven looked at him tears still in her eyes, she pulled her shirt back on. She looked away. Robin walked up behind her and placed a hand on his shoulder and whispered in her ear

"Please tell me. You can tell me anything," his voice was pleading.

"Could I really?"

"Yes." Raven took a deep breath and sat down.

"My father raped me at least twice a day since the age of 12 and now I'm 16. I came here when I was 14. You knew that. Before I came here and became a titan my father expected me to marry someone like him. Evil and abusive. After what he had done to me. So I left and came here. All I can remember is being the loner. I've tried suicide about six times here and when I was in Azarath. Each time someone saved me. I never wanted them to, but they still did it," she paused looking at Robin, he was nonchalant listening to her. She was grateful for that. "That's why I've always kept a dagger near my bed, and was in my room so much. I wasn't meditating like I told you guys I was. I was planning how the best way to end my life would be. Then, when I was about to, the alarm went off or I chickened out. I never could. Every time I tried something came up. I have so many scars, mental and physical. All my father ever said to me was 'you useless bitch, you have nothing to offer you're a damn half-breed. No one will ever accept you for who you are. You are destined to kill anyone or anything you ever cared about.' I started to only believe that and I was withdrawn even when people tried to reach out to me. The only person I ever thought understood me was Malchior but he was just using me, just like everyone else ever did. My life was just a dark hell-hole that no one could ever shine any light of accepting. I wouldn't let them. I put up a front of distance and sarcasm to hide the scared little girl on the inside." Robin looked at her then wrapped his arms around her waist

"I'm sorry, I had no idea. I wouldn't of done what I did if I knew. Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me."

"You're the only person who actually understands me," she whispered in reply. Robin kissed her neck softly. Raven just let him her body shook with silent sobs. Robin just held her letting her cry. She never gets to cry, she never gets to show any emotion. She can never be honest with herself or others. She's too scared that if they knew the true Raven they would push her away. She's scared of rejection, just like me Robin thought to himself.

"Robin?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"Listening to me, caring for me, watching over me, guarding me as if I was your own flesh and blood."

"Raven, you basically are my flesh and blood, I would do anything for you. I would die if it lessened your pain and made you feel better. I love you Raven and nothing, absolutely nothing is going to change that." Raven nodded listening to him she closed her eyes and sighed. She was safe with him, he loved her and would protect her. Always. No matter what.

Ending Note: That is the end of "Why do I feel this way?" I'll write more stories I promise. I'm thinking about writing a one-shot sooner or later. Hope you liked. Read and review. E-mail me if you have any ideas. Ja Ne! Rose 


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